RoomHate by Penelope Ward (affectionately known as The Dumpster Fire)

DNF at 25%. Oh Gentle Reader! Gentle Reader! As you know, i wasn’t gifted the Angry Reader moniker – i earned it. On a popular sports romance book that sent me into a tizzy the likes these hallowed halls have rarely seen. Something about a threesome and then his dick only wanting her. Bc it’s rational when our sex organs make our decisions. But i digress. I’d been so happy lately – reading the recommendations of the Book SoulMate. Avoiding romance books at all costs. But this one had so many good reviews. So many stars. I was lulled into a sense of complacency.
Gentle Reader, that aforementioned steaming pile of crap was sweet lyric to mine ears compared to the dumpster fire full of filthy diapers and old tires that made up this tome. Holy shit.
The plot – as i understand it. And please forgive me if i seem confused. At points i had no actual idea what was happening. Amelia inherits half of a house from her dead Gma. Her childhood BFF inherits the other. They haven’t spoken in 10 years bc of deep dark angsty secret. Rightio. They end up in the house together for the summer with his GF – who is so so nice to our heroine. Like seriously – she’s creepy. Upon first encountering our heroine our hero leaps on her like some kind of 8th grade girl in a middle school cat fight. All while loudly protesting that he’s SO OVER IT. HE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT HER. HE DOESN’T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT. His GF spends a lot of time looking around apologetically. I pictured her as a robot. Or a blow up doll.
In the first 6% Justin insulted Amelia (in a manner that would have gotten him tased in this house). Ignored her while they had dinner. Had bizarre loud sex with his GF so Amelia could hear. And smirked – a lot. How can a man holding a grudge from 10th grade be a romantic hero? That’s not love – that’s diagnosable.
At 25% you find out why they don’t speak anymore. It’s awesomely bad. 1980s Lionel Richie with a mullet in a members only jacket kinda bad. And then i gave up. At this point there were 2 options to save this book – a dragon flies down and eats everyone or Keanu Reeves wakes up and realizes it was all a dream. Judging from the loud “SQUEEEEEEES” echoing down my GR newsfeed i don’t think either of these things happen. Thus i’m left with a story where these two emotionally stunted morons form some sort of relationship. And i cannot live in world where that’s considered any sort of happy ending.
PS – i’m not even going to get into the writing here. It had all the subtlety of a speeding locomotive. And clearly the author thinks that only morons would read her stuff – she needs so badly to tell the reader things that she repeats them – in the same sentence. Along the lines of “she liked gummy bears and she loved them and she wanted them and needed them so so much.” Right. Blunt force trauma to the head – bc no one reading this could appreciate nuance or allusion.
AR is dragging her corpse out of the romance genre for a while – back to the recommendations of the BSM.

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